Thank you for subscribing to the Small Talk and More Newsletter. Please forward this to friends and family!
Healing from a Traumatic Birth Experience
The birth of my first child was the best day of my life.
And the worst.
I experienced the joy of bringing my precious baby boy into this world. I had never felt such elation and joy. But, the circumstances of his birth were traumatic and my recovery was long and hard. What had begun as a happy time soon turned into feelings of depression, anxiety, and guilt. Why wasn't my birth experience like everyone else's? What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve this?
These feelings lingered long after the experience itself faded into memory. It affected the way I felt about my next pregnancy and brought unneccessary fear and anxiety into my next birth. My second and even third experiences were overly burdened with unhealed wounds from the past.
If this sounds familiar to you...you are not alone. My experiences have moved me to reach out to other mothers whose birth stories were not the "picture perfect" events we are led to expect.
I am offering a session: "Healing From a Traumatic Birth" on Wednesday, May 10, at 6:30 P.M. $40 or $35 for ST members. Please consider attending if you feel the pain of a birth that just didn't seem right. Or, tell a friend who might still want to talk about her experience.
Researchers have found that 4-6% of Post-partum women experience panic attacks. These attacks do not necessarily occur with Post-partum depression. And, it was found that, while many women are screened for depression following birth, very few are screened for symptoms of anxiety. Symptoms of anxiety can be very similar to depression and may indeed accompany it. Symptons include:
- shortness of breath - a choking or smothering feeling - chest pain - hot flashes or chills - sweating - trembling and shaking - tingling sensation - faint, dizzy, or light headed - nausea - fear of going crazy - a sense of impending doom or death
If you have experienced four of the above symptoms at any one time, you may have experience a panic attack.
Things that can bring on a panic attack include: sleep deprivation, caffeine or sugar use, low blood sugar, excessive stress. You may be more likely to experience post-partum panic attacks if you have had them in the past or if you have a family history of panic disorder.
One panic attack does not necessarily mean you suffer from a "panic disorder".
You can reduce the likelyhood of experiencing a panic attack by reducing your stress level, avoiding excess caffeine, exercising, and not taking on big tasks during the post-partum period.
According to a study performed at the UT Southeast Medical Center, depressed moms are more likely to have depressed and anxious kids. The good news: When the moms were treated, the kids got better, too.
A group of children, age 7-17, who were being treated for depression were studied. It was found that when the mothers were treated for their own depressive symptoms, the children were more likely to improve, as well. It has been found that women who suffer from depression are more likely to have children with depression, anxiety, mental health disorder, and dispruptive behavior.
An Essay from Contributor Meghan Phillips Dykstra.
Lamaze Class and Financial Planning – What Every Expecting Mother Needs to Know
My twin sister is pregnant with her first baby. I am looking forward to being in her place even when she tells me her favorite book has been Pregnancy Sucks, a humorous portrayal of pregnancy by Joanne Kimes. Her baby will be the first grandchild on both sides, so you can imagine all the excitement and anticipation. Yet, as my sister prepares her baby’s room, she also has started to ask me questions about financial planning. Does financial education have a place in Lamaze class? Probably not. Nevertheless, one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is financial knowledge that begins with you putting your own financial home in order. So what do you need to know before the baby is born? The foundation of your financial home begins with an emergency savings account, life insurance, and a will. You probably are already in shock at the cost of the baby before he or she is even here. An emergency savings account is critical at this point. You want to have some leeway in your savings for the unexpected. My twin just started working part-time based on her doctor orders, since she is having a difficult pregnancy. She’s still trying to convince her husband that the orders also include no laundry. Your emergency savings will provide you both choices as well as a sense of security. Life insurance is like buying maternity underwear when you are pregnant. No one really likes doing it, but both are needed. You need to buy life insurance before the baby is born for both you and your spouse. Many stay- at-home moms overlook their financial value. You too need life insurance, because it provides choices for your family if anything should happen to you. You need enough insurance to cover your debt as well as supplementing income for unexpected needs such as daycare in the event of your untimely death. Many young families do not have wills that specify guardianship. One of the main reason for guardianship is to avoid having the courts determine who will have custody of your children. My sister and her husband have really struggled with whom they want as a guardian. This decision is personal and takes thoughtful consideration. A will provides direction even when you are no longer able to give it. More importantly, my sister, an attorney, wants to avoid any potential strife between grieving family members.
After you have built a strong financial foundation to your home, you can begin to build your financial house. You build your house by reducing your debt, saving for your retirement, and investing in your child’s college education account. Credit card debt erodes your ability to have financial security. You first focus should always be starting an emergency account before you begin to pay off your debt. Remember, the one thing we can always count on is the unexpected. When you have a security account in place, you can then begin to reduce your debt by paying more than the minimum balance. If you have several credit cards with balances, start with the smaller balance. By paying off the smaller balances first, you will feel success much faster and are more likely to follow through on your plan to reduce your debt. Preparing for a quality retirement means you would not have to depend on your child unless he or she grows up to be a NFL football player, actor, or a rock star. Many parents sacrifice their retirement in order to send their children to college. School loans do exist and retirement loans have not been invented yet (reverse mortgages do not count). A great goal for saving is 10% of your gross household income and anything above this amount will provide you with more choices in retirement. As a busy mom, you might enjoy having a financial planner help you with your retirement planning. The best advice you can follow regarding saving for your child’s college education is start the day your son or daughter is born. You will need a smaller monthly amount if you begin early in your child’s life rather than waiting until you child reaches high school. Begin investing in your child’s college fund only if you do not have credit card debt and have started investing ten percent into your retirement accounts. There are several options out there, which can overwhelm you. The main ones are UTMA/UGMAs, Coverdell Education Savings Account, Michigan Education Trust, and 529 College Savings Plans. My sister plans to invest in a 529 plan simply because they provide for both tuition as well as room and board. In addition, these plans can be used for private colleges and for out of state schools. Above all, help your child take advantage of the thousands of scholarship opportunities regardless of your income. You might have thought forty weeks was a long time; however, the time will fly by as fast as your belly grows, so start working on the nursery and begin to build your financial home.
Meghan Phillips Dykstra is an investment advisor representative with Hemming& and can be reached at 922-2900.
This recipe is from a new magazine I received (I am a magazine junky, in case you haven't figured it out!) The magazine is called "Cuisine at Home" and contains no advertising. You can check it out at www.cuisineathome.com
Oven Roasted Tomato Sauce
Combine in a Casserole Dish: 8 C. (4 lbs.) Roma Tomatoes, quartered 1 C. chopped yellow onions 4 garlic cloves, whole 2 t. kosher salt 1 t. red pepper flakes 1 t. sugar
Toss With: 1/2 cup olive oil
Roast ingredients for 35-40 minutes in a 450 degree oven, until tomatoes have softened. Remove from oven and mash with potato masher, keeping the tomatoes somewhat chunky. Stir In: 1/2 C. fresh basil, thinly sliced
