Wednesday, November 15, 5:56 p.m.

My kids and husband (the oldest) have zoomed off to "basketball skills clinic" at the Y.  I have 45 minutes to do something indulgent.  Do you have any idea how high pressure that is?  There's nothing more terrifying than knowing you have a tiny finite period of time all to yourself, no kids, no husband, and no agenda.  You feel a panic attack of pressure trying to come up with just the perfect thing to do for that one hour.   Should you:  1. Nap.  No, because time will come to a shrieking halt way too soon.  2. Read. I guess.  Unless you are between books, in which case you waste 58 of your 60 minutes trying to find the exact right thing to read during your "break".  3. Take a bath.  Okay, boring.  4. E-mail or phone friends.  Too stressful.  You come away more tired than you started.  5. Clean the house.  Are you freaking crazy!!!!!  6. Okay, times up!

I get lots of goofy parenting mags due to my owning a mom/baby center.  Here's some dumb stuff I've picked up from browsing the latest editions:

- Cynthia Rowley (a fashion designer for all of you moms who are still wearing PJ's or maternity underpants) has designed necklaces "inspired" by baby lacing beads.  It looks like something my ROTU would put together and force me to wear for the day.  For real.  And they cost $185!  www.cynthiarowley.com

- Judith Leiber (handbag designer, philistine!) has designed sterling silver baby "keepsakes" adorned with Swarovski crystals.  Cups are $495, spoon and fork sets are $395.  Pick one up today!!!  www.vivre.com

- Some morons have designed kid perfume.  Yes, you heard me.  And I'm not talking about ripe diapers and spit-up rags.  Roger&Gallet Petit fragrant water is $32!  www.beautyexclusive.com.  Le Petit Prince spray is $24.  www.beautyhabit.com.   Now I've heard it all.

- Oh by the way, just in case I get sued for plaguerism, I got all of those from the latest Child magazine.  (Raising Kids With Smarts and Style).  My kids idea of Style is a blue leotard with last year's Christmas dress over top, a Madagascar nightgown over that and a pair of flip flops.  About $5 at Goodwill.  www. cheapfreakin mother.com